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Well, our friends the STL Linn's were nice enough to stop by our mailbox on their way to ATL, and pick up our last piece of mail. Let's just say that SOMEONE misses me...

Background: Calverton Park is a village just outside of Ferguson, MO where our Church home is. Let's just say that they are known for scamming as much $ as they can from weary travelers, just trying to get to Church on Sundays and Wednesdays.

The Village of Calverton Park

Greetings,

How are you doing? It has been a while since our employees have had a chance to be of service to you. Our office staff grew especially fond of receiving correspondence from that radio personality friend of yours who happens to double as an attorney. We have heard a rumor that your vehicles have possibly relocated. We sincerely hope this is not the case.

In an effort to become a kinder and gentler municipality, (you know – just like the IRS) we have taken it upon ourselves to improve our customer relations. What can we do to get you moving quickly through Calverton Park? Due to the recent economic downturn, our budget has not met expectations. We have researched our files and discovered that you, one of our better customers have been missing. What can we do to get you moving quickly through Calverton Park?

Due to your absence, we have been forced to make drastic cuts in our programs including, but not limited to, not filling the pool with over 2 feet of water, issuing bicycles to our finest officers and raising funds with a lemonade stand on every corner. We are considering a garage sale in the near future (we got the idea from a church down the street that sent a bunch of kids to camp). How many candy bars would you like to buy to support our Golden Age Citizens of Calverton Park? We are also selling vacation in Calverton Park t-shirts that read, “Why go anywhere else, I live in Calverton Park.” We thought of including our new bumper stickers that you can proudly display on the bumper of your vehicle which reads, “Calverton Park, where the sun and moon always shine.” Our preschoolers colored them in hopes that the daycare center will remain open.

All of these options will not be needed if you would just come through Calverton Park (just like you have in the past). All services will be restored and we will have a large budget surplus. We hope to be seeing you soon and often. Please.

Cordially,
Calverton Park Citizens
Your Friends in North County